Three things I recently learnt about penises
And why this gets me excited about my year to come, writes Re: News journalist Zoe Madden-Smith.
“Why do men cum fast?”
“Are blue balls a real thing?”
“How should I behave/support my partner who has erectile dysfunction?”
These are just some of the questions we got from our audience when we asked: “If you could ask an expert anything about penis problems, what would you ask?”
Sexual health and reproductive expert Dr Simon Snook sat down with me to chat through everything from premature ejaculation to porn addiction in the latest episode of our Answering Your Questions series.
You can watch the video here.
The Re: News audience had a wholesome reaction to this video.
Here’s a breakdown of the three key things I learnt from Simon (some of which didn’t make it into the video):
‘Blue balls’ should actually be renamed to ‘blue prostrate’
Blue balls is a phrase given to the feeling of uncomfortable fullness in the testes and scrotum after prolonged sexual arousal without ejaculation.
But it turns out, that feeling of fullness is actually coming from the prostate, not the balls.
“When you ejaculate, 99% of what's coming out of the body is actually produced by the prostate and seminal glands, which are much further upstream inside the pelvis rather than the balls themselves,” says sexual health expert Dr Simon Snook.
“So the feeling of blue balls isn't coming from the balls themselves. It's coming from increased swelling of the prostate gland as it's filling up with the ejaculatory fluid.”
Simon's message to people with “blue balls” is that this feeling can be relieved on your own, you don’t need someone else to relieve it for you.
“So go and have a wank,” he says.
How to tell if your erectile dysfunction is physical or mental
There are a bunch of different causes of erectile dysfunction - from whether it is a psychological or nerve issue to low blood flow or hormones.
It’s crucial to find out what is causing the erectile dysfunction because the treatment will be completely different depending on the cause.
The first screening questions Simon uses to tell whether someone has a psychological or physical erectile function is:
Do you still get erections first thing in the morning, or can you get erections if you're on your own but the erections are a problem when you're having partnered sex?
“If you're still getting morning erections or you can get an existing erection with masturbation, but not with a partner, then the problem is almost always primarily coming from the brain and psychological origin,” Simon says.
“Whereas if no matter what you're doing, the erections are not occurring, then it's almost certainly coming from a physical point of view.”
3. People are using Botox to get rid of the wrinkles on their balls
You’ve heard of Botox, but have you heard of Scrotox? I definitely hadn’t.
Scrotox is exactly what it sounds like — injecting botulinum toxin (Botox) into your scrotum.
It originally started as a purely medical procedure to relieve pain and inflammation in the scrotum. But now, it’s being advertised as a way to get a whole range of “benefits” including making wrinkles on your scrotum less noticeable and making your scrotum sweat less, hang lower and feel bigger and more filled out.
Here I was thinking the scrotum's entire brand image was to be wrinkly, but it turns out some people don’t agree.
Simon says botox is now also being used to help with erectile dysfunction too because it can help improve blood flow to the penis.
But for those with erectile dysfunction that aren’t so keen on this (and absolutely fair enough), here is Simon’s advice:
“So the simple trick that we use is we say to a couple, ‘no penetrative sex for six weeks’. But during that six week period of time you are going to have intimacy.
“So the first week, your intimacy will just be non-sexual massage and kissing or something like that and we will slowly build up the intimacy.
“And what this does is it allows the person with the penis to not have to think about how it needs to get hard to get in and the erection will start to wake itself up again, because you're no longer thinking about the need for it. And by the time you get to week six, the confidence in your erection generally tends to have come back by then.”
Prepare yourselves for a lot more sex education (in 2025)
You’re going to see a lot less stories from me over the next year because I will be working full-time on an NZ on Air funded series called ‘What Sex Ed Didn’t Teach You’.
The series will cover the lessons and sex advice young people wish they learnt at school, but instead were left to figure out on their own. Or, the things they still haven't figured out yet but don't know who to ask.
For example, how to avoid a UTl, how abortions actually work or how to have safe anal sex.
While the series will reach young people through social media, our goal is for it to be used as a free learning resource in schools to help improve sex education across the country.
And while the series is targeted at rangatahi - it will really be for everyone, because jeepers, sex ed has been failing us all for some time.
Anyway, I can’t wait to check back in soon with more updates. Stay tuned and talk soon!
Re: News recommendations
These are not paid recommendations - they’re just things we like 💗
This week's recommendations come courtesy of my best friend Healy who I live with (I got in trouble for calling her my flatmate in my last newsletter - she is much more than a flatmate. Love you, sorry).
Cast iron pizza - Healy has well and truly changed the at-home pizza game after finding this Serious Eats recipe for cast iron pizza. It makes the tastiest deep-dish pizza that is somehow perfectly crispy and airy. Healy says: “So fucking delicious. Never need to use a rolling pin again.” We don’t actually have a rolling pin anyway.
Lemons and limes - Sniffles season is here right in time for lemon and limes to finally be cheap (and actually possible to find). An Odd Bunch bag of lemons is only $3.60 at the moment. “Live life like you live in Mexico with margs all the time,” Healy says.
Dark Matter - Dark Matter is about a man who is abducted into an alternate version of his life and has to find his way back to reality. “It’s got it all, twisty, turny and captivating. But just light-hearted enough to enjoy after work,” Healy says.